건강한 경계| The One with Olabimpe – On Boundaries: Episode 13 (2020)

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The More Sibyl Podcast Presents: The One with Olabimpe – On Boundaries

Let's talk boundaries! Especially the ones we need to have with friends, families, around sex, money, as well as with ourselves. Just as I had to learn how to navigate grief, setting boundaries has been an enormous learning curve for me. But indeed, there have been gains in the learning, and I have this book by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life to thank for getting me started. I have since been encouraged to stand up for myself and also rethink the seductive lure of "loving relationships" that often drain the life out of me and often leave me with the feeling of resentment. Here's the hard truth, to experience deep and authentic connection, you need honesty! And setting boundaries in one way to get started.

So to do justice to this topic, I brought back an old friend who also happens to be very wise – Olabimpe – back to the show. It's an episode infused with mirth and abundant examples of potential boundary issues including how to avoid being a pushover at work amid work politics, or a dormant Nancy in a relationship with a s/o, inlaw, friend, or family member. We also tackled a listener's question involving a dilemma about a house pest, sorry guest, who has overstayed their welcome and has refused to move out.

Notes:

When we rescue friends and family all the time from the consequences of their behaviors, we will only have to do it again.
When you feel resentment, ask yourself: "who am I not setting limits with? Who am I not saying 'no' to?" Boundaries begin with ourselves!
Remember, you can love and support someone without taking responsibility for them; they are not the same!
When we're unhappy about something someone did or said, and we don't voice it out, we're actually ignoring our own needs. We're sending someone the message that it's alright to do it again.
Don't let bridges build up over time. If you're not happy about something, say it. And remember - be tactful with your words. You don't have to be aggressive or hurtful to get your point across.

What stops you? The boundaries? Nah, they define us. Boundaries define us.

When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies: "Perfect love drives out fear" (1 John 4:18).

Book Recommendations:

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.